Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Naked Boy Sobriety Level Scale

Contributed by Naked Boy (I hit 42 last night):

Level 100: feeling no effect from alchohol

Level 90: slight buzz. Feeling good but decision making abilities are not effected. Full motor skill control

Level 80: moderate buzz. Decision making slightly impaired. Beer goggle effect begins. Motor skill control still intact.

Level 70: Heavy buzz. Starting to get drunk. Ability to drink more faster. You feel more social but not quite obnxious. You start doing and saying things you might not do otherwise. Beer goggle effect increases. All women go up by 0.5 on the Lick Scale. Motor skills begin to deteriorate. Most people would be able to tell you have been drinking even if trying to hide it.

Level 60: Now you are drunk. Slurring of speech may occurr. Drunken gait possible if not trying to avoid it. You feel more social but may be getting obnoxious. Caring about what happens the next day pretty much ceases. You now try to convince others to go out more or stay out later.

Level 50: Judgement impaired. Beer goggle penalty of 1.0 or more on the Lick scale. People will talk about "how drunk you were last night". Strip clubs are looking pretty damn good now if you haven't picked up on somebody yet. Women at this point either want to go home or start lowering their standards ( This started happening to men at level 80 ) You should really not be behind the wheel.

Level 40: You're drunk. Really drunk. Things start spinning when you move. Beer goggles are maxed out. Penalty of 2.0 on the Lick Scale. This can get dangerous if looking to hook up. Motor skills decrease markedly. Anyone can tell by just looking at you that you are drunk. Whatever you have to do the next morning is not going to happen.

Level 30: The good thing about this level is that even if you pick up somebody nasty of the opposite sex, chances are you will pass out before anything happens. Your friends will still make fun of you, though. You will be hungover and pretty much useless the whole next day.

Level 20: You should have gone home long before now. Nothing good can happen at this point. You will likely not remember some or all of the events that transpire. You will also likely find yourself in a bathroom puking.

Level 10: You will wind up in one of two places: Either the hospital or in jail.

Level Zero: You have no fucking clue what you are doing and will not remember it anyway. You will wind up in one of two places: Either the hospital or the Morgue. Good Luck!


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