Monday, February 28, 2005

Windex's 5-Phase Relationship Theory

In the interests of preserving Guy Lore, and as it's a critical point to my next post, I present Windex's Theory of Relationship Progression, in five phases.

Phase 1 - Establishment.
This phase covers from first meeting, through the early stages of dating. If you're still hesitant to call her/him whenever you feel like it, you're still in a Phase 1 relationship. Typically this lasts about a month.

Phase 2 - Happy/Honeymoon Period.
You're now definitely "official" and still really excited about it. You begin to relax around each other and get comfortable with the other person being there a lot. This is Months 2-3.

Phase 3 - Stable Relationship.
Somewhere near the end of Month 3 you hit what I call "The Reality Point". This is the point where you've both sufficiently let your guards down, and shown the other person what you're really like on a daily basis, that you can make something of an objective appraisal of who it is you're really dating (as opposed to what you thought when you first met her/him). This is your reality check, to decide whether or how the relationship will progress. A typical Reality Check is when you're having dinner one night, and truly realize, "Dude!...I'm...I'm dating... a vegetarian." If you survive the reality check, congratulations, you're now in a stable relationship. This is usually Months 4+.

Phase 4 - The Break-Up.
Now this is where it really gets interesting! Hello, drama!

Phase 5 - Casual Resumption Of Benefits/Relations, Pseudo-Relationship.
This is the strange post-break up phase, and since all Phase 5 situations vary considerably, it is hard to label it accurately. It usually requires an extended period apart, and both parties dating other people in the interim. Whether or not a relationship will develop into Phase 5 basically depends on both the seriousness of the prior state, and the circumstances of the breakup. If it was a long/serious relationship before, or the breakup was really traumatic for one of the parties, it's highly unlikely you'll ever turn that into a Phase 5. So why do Phase 5's happen? Companionship and sex. Most often this occurs when things between you overall were "good", but just not Right. After a few months back into dating, you're both bored, tired of it, and haven't met anyone quite as interesting/not-annoying as the person you were dating before. So the two of you start hooking up again. Usually it's quite a bit more casual than it was before, and you don't get the frequency of benefits, but it keeps you both content until something better comes along.

Obviously, not everyone progresses through all of the phases, and most attempts never make it past Phase-1. Breakups can be final, or return to Phase-3 rather than proceeding on to Phase-5 at a later date.

6 Comments:

Blogger valerief said...

Windex formulated this?!?! Wait a minute, am I hearing this correctly? My first Cornell hookup, who never had a stable non-drama relationship as far as I can remember, is formulating theorems on relationship evolution. Interesting...

Hey Lick, why did you take my blog off of your list? I think my post on my adventures at Larry Flynt will qualify as falling into the Axis of Naughty ;)

10:33 AM  
Blogger Rev. Lick said...

Yup, as far as I know. It is a theory, so provenance isn't as much of a problem ;).

I didn't take de-link you, must be a template problem. Will check. Thanks for the info.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Ivy said...

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Blogger Rachel said...

Excellent Rev. Lick!!!

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