Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Flashback: Naked Boy!

In honor of The Day After Valentine's Day, I'm posting this picture-story from precisely eight years ago:

Date: 15 Feb 1997, 6:57 AM Place: Apt. 13, Cornell.

The night before, on Valentine's Day (a Thursday), I went to our fraternity date event with a certified crazy girl who ended up getting plastered, assaulted one of my brothers, attempted hypothermia, and eventually ended up committing various lewd acts with me on one of the couches downstairs in the early hours of the morning. This is not that story.

This did lead to me walking back to our apartment around 6:45 am in order to get showered and make my 8 o'clock class. I noticed that all the lights were on as I approached the building, and thought, "Hm, that's odd." As I walked in, I found the stereo and TV also on. As I took another step into the apartment, I saw the head on the couch and realized, "Ah, Geoff* passed out on the couch." One more step, and I realized "It's Geoff...and he's naked!"

I decided that I had neither enough sleep nor sobriety to deal with this at the moment, so I got in the shower to think about what to do, and hope that Geoff would be gone by the time I got out. He wasn't. So I woke up Twong, and we got the camera. Put the stereo on full blast, and Geoff started stirring. "Good morning, Geoff! How are you feeling? Are you missing anything?" At which point Geoff sat up, looked down, and gave us a thoroughly miserable expression while exclaiming, "Ooohhh, shit!", and ran for his room.

It didn't end there...while Twong was getting ready for our class, I posted a timeline of the event to the listserv, and by the time Geoff made it out the door to classes, everyone knew he'd been found naked on the couch earlier. I'd also posted the pic above at the frat house for a few weeks on the main message board, where everyone saw it. Ironically, it actually boosted his hook-up chances with a few women. I'm finally getting around to my threat to "posting it on the Internet", although about 8 years late.

As for why Geoff was naked on the couch, he'd gone to an anti-Valentine's Day celebration the night before. He went to a wine-and-cheese with some other friends to warm up, and afterwards the three of them put down 7 bottles of wine at Ruloff's. When he got home, he decided to take a shower to sober up. When he got out of the shower, he decided to sit down on the couch and watch the Weather Channel, wearing nothing but a towel. The towel didn't survive the night.

*name changed to protect the naked.


Anonymous The other witness said...

Hey, don't forget the part later on when one girl said that Geoff had an "average ass"

10:55 PM  

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