Friday, March 14, 2008

EPIC FAIL: Bachelorette Party

So this was an unusual first sighting...how do you Epic Fail a Bachelorette party?

A. Your Bachelorette party is one girl and seven dudes...and another "girl" that was so homely we classified her as a dude. And one of those dudes is wearing a T-shirt that says "Half man [up arrow], half horse [down arrow].

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Tattoo, yes. Blood? NO!!!

This incident was a bit of a first for me...I'm going to have to definitely put it into the category "How To Really Freak Out Women" or "How to make sure the barmaid doesn't come back".

So Friday evening I'm heading home, and decide to stop by a nearby bar that can best be described as a cross between an Irish pub and a Hooters. Lots of cleavage and kilts. I wanted a couple of nice quiet beers, a bit of scenery and football, and an hour or so of peace.

Sitting next to me is a guy whom I take to be a regular, and a new guy who's covered in tattoos. Not just a sleeve, but a sweater. There is some talk and showing, and the barmaid writes her name on his arm as a "new tattoo". Fun, flirty, harmless, cute. The Regular decideds to one up him, pulls out his knife, and proceeds to cut her name into his arm. Right there at the bar.

She completely freaked when she saw her name dripping in blood.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Why didn't I think of this?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Yeah, that's me.



The magician
You scored 84 change, 74 wellbeing, 89 wisdom, and 71 truth



The magician represents the conscious mind. With focus on an idea or goal, the conscious mind sets into action these ideas and brings them forth to the material world. The magicians hands are stretched forth, one to the sky holding a wand, and the other pointing to the ground below. This is suggestive that as is "as above, so below". The table in front of him has all the tools to make this possible. The wand, cup, sword, and pentacle, which are representative of all the suits to the tarot cards. The mage has an undergarment of pure white, showing his pure wisdom and is held shut by the serpent around his waist. The outer garment is red, symbolic of desire and passion, which has no belt holding it shut so it can be removed if necessary. The flowers in the garden represent things as well. The red roses are symbolic of desires, and the white lilies represent pure thought, untainted by desire. This card is under the vibration of the number 1.

some extra words:

taking action
doing what needs to be done
realizing your potential
making what's possible real
practicing what you preach
carrying out plans
producing magical results
using your talents

acting consciously
knowing what you are doing and why
acknowledging your motivations
understanding your intentions
examining the known situation
concentrating

having singleness of purpose
being totally committed
applying the force of your will
feeling centered
setting aside distractions
focusing on a goal

experiencing power
making a strong impact
having vitality
creating miracles
becoming energized
feeling vigorous
being creative









My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:



















free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 95% on change





free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 79% on wellbeing





free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 97% on wisdom





free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 80% on truth
Link: The What tarot card resembles you Test written by KamikazeParrot on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Maybe this is me...

So I had an idea for a post way, way back when I was starting this what-passes-for-a-blog, about me reviewing all the interenet personals sites I was on. Unfortunately, since then they've all gotten to the point where they pretty much suck. Except my new one is OKCupid, and I haven't had time enough to play with it and develop an opinion. Except that it is supposed, totally FREE. We may have that post yet.

Anyway, I got this as I was updating my profile there tonight...here's the funny thing, though: I really dig the slow dancer chick. Maybe opposites do attract?


The Hornivore
Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSMm)

Don't ever marry, you're The Hornivore. Roaming, sexual, subhuman.

The Hornivores (you) are some of the most screwed up and naughty beings in the Universe. And their numbers are growing, mostly due to skipped or misused contraception. You care not. There's one thing you want, one sole need.

Half manly, half bestial, you act on instinct, and animal charisma smoothes the way. It's unlikely
Your exact opposite:
The Slow Dancer

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer
you're driven by much other than your own selfish, orgasmic requirements. Your appearance and personality have evolved for the hunt. Ass beckons, you oblige.

For the record, you can happily bang all personality types, however your match percentages might be low with the kinder, more sensible people of the world, purely because they all wish to avoid you. Good luck to them.



"One day, the villagers came with torches to the house. In the smoldering ashes, stray dogs looked for cooked flesh."

AVOID: The Priss, The Sonnet
CONSIDER: Half-Cocked, Genghis Khunt


Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: mglenn13

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Rev. Lick Talks Back To Girl's Clueless Personal

The one thing B***** wishes MORE people would notice about her is:

I wish people would notice that I am attractive, I may not be a
supermodel, but that doesn't mean I'm not a great person or attractive.


Honey, here's a news flash...if people generally don't notice that you're attractive, it's because you're not attractive. And we're not talking about you "not being a supermodel", either. That's like saying my yurt "may not be the Empire State Building."

Fortunately, you've at least got boobs and tequila going for you.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Dead Bird Theories

So if you're out of Austin and don't read Drudge, they shut downtown down yesterday morning due to finding dozens of dead birds all over the place.

My theories:

1) They watched Tony Romo lose it for the 'Boys Sat night.
2) They saw Leslie changing his thong in the wee hours of dawn.
3) Caught a whiff of the Maggie Mae's men's room.
4) Went nibbling in a rooftop grow house, got way too high, flew into building windows at high speed.

Seriously, it was probably just someone putting out bird poison...without, you know, actually calling animal control to warn them or anything. Odds are they went downtown Sat night, and got lured into one of the free parking "sucker spaces" on the street.

[Sucker space, n. : You've spent 20 mins driving around looking for a free spot, and in your hurry to get to the bars, you see one and pull in, not realizing that you're parking under a tree. At some point Sunday morning, you come back to get your car, only to find it literally covered in bird feces. As in you need an ice scraper just so you can see out the windshield. ]

Vengeance, aided by a severe hangover, ensues.