Sunday, January 30, 2005

Beer Saves Life!

Sometimes heavy drinking is not just good for you, but could possibly save your life:

News Link

(I gotta hand it to the guy...he brought 60 beers for a weekend. Even I'd need no more than, oh, 24 or 30.)

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I don't live here anymore...almost. Kinda.

For those (ie, both) of you who wondered where I'd disappeared to after the holidays, and the resulting non-blogging, I've been incredibly busy with a job search and trying to sell my house here. This is the first time in well over a month that I've actually spent a solid week in Corpus.

Good news, I accepted an offer from American Express Financial Advisors in Austin!! The last week or so has been spent getting this house on the market down here. The last week has been especially chaotic in the urgent-housecleaning kitchen table now has visible space upon it, I've done some actual dusting, and there are large swaths of carpet clutter-free. I'm doing it For Sale By Owner for the moment, but might go with a discount agent in a couple weeks if it still hasn't sold. So far I've had people take about a dozen or two flyers, but nobody's actually come inside yet. It has only been 3 days ;).

So tonight I hauled down the Jolly Roger and transferred it to Der PimpenWagen. As far as I'm concerned, I don't really live here anymore...although it will be a few weeks minimum before I'm flying the flag in Austin.

Naturally, none of this got in the way of some good drinking and womanizing! On to the social update:

Part of hauling down the flag was that yesterday I called Final Dayz Rules "Mission Accomplished". They're not exactly over, but at this point I've hit all the objectives that I actually really wanted to or realistically could.

First, the bad news. In all the back-and-forth to Austin, I had met up with two girls in San Antonio that I'd met off eHarmony. Both dates went very well, and there was significant long-term potential with both of them. Unfortunately, got the exact same results from both...a bit of minor post-date contact, and then nothing. The second one may be a bit salvageable, but I doubt it at this point. On the upside, I finally figured out why...I have been getting over-eager and losing my cool. One of the reasons I have such success down here is that I truly, deeply, don't care what happens with any of them because I know from the start it's not going anywhere. However, in the last two situations, I went immediately into fast-pursuit mode and made myself too eager and available for a second date. Hence, the girls both went incommunicado. Lesson learned.

Enough with the learning and healthiness, back to fucked up Final Dayz:

I discovered that you can provoke a lot of girls into really wanting to see you by actually leaving town. I guess it's the "Get It Before It's Gone" attitude, or that you've just declared yourself a limited-time offer. Anyway, it's given me the best excuses for finishing off my Final Dayz objectives. The new rundown:

Shawna, new to the possibilities list. I first met her a couple years ago through mutual near-friends*, just after I moved here. Asked her out over email then, but nothing. This town being on the smallside, I'd run into her a few times out in town, but hadn't actually said hello in over a year I think. So I'm ordering a beer at 21 last weekend, she's standing next to me, we begin chatting, tell her I'm leaving town, and she's giving me her number and wanting me to call her. So I did, but heard nothing. OK, standard for Corpus. Ran into her again at 21 this weekend, and I find out why--she's had a really bad week with the family, because her little brother is now going to jail for awhile. But she wants to go out in a couple weeks. We'll see if I'm still in town by then.

Nicole, the catfish waitress. Just checked the archives and I hadn't actually posted this story. There's this catfish place by my house I usually go to on Sunday afternoons. Fried hangover food, and hot waitresses. Way back in Sept or earlier, my server was this girl named Nicole, who was both really hot and incredibly friendly. So, in the check tray I left her a face-down business card with "Good for one coffee or happy hour" written on the back. Hadn't seen her again until just before Christmas, when she happened to pick up another Sunday shift. Turns out, she still had the card. Not only that, but we spent a couple hours talking after her shift (I go in late, usually) and I found out that she'd been waiting to get rid of her live-in boyfriend before calling me. Sweet! Anyway, hadn't heard anything yet, so I've been popping in on non-Sundays, and she's supposed to call me Thursday. I doubt I'll actually be in town, however.

Calli, the hottest dancer at Cheetah's. Told her I was leaving, she insists on giving me her number. Haven't actually met up with her yet, but she does return phone calls promptly.

Crystal, the psycho ex. Story for upcoming post, promised for at least two months now. Yes, things have sunk to that level, but at this point, why not? Just got an email from her with her new number and offer of a beer.

There's other stuff on the fringe, but it's not worth posting.

*Near-friend: someone more than an acquaintance whom you like, but don't really want to hang out with all that frequently.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Canvassing the Drunks

Fortunately none of my friends have ever been this cruel.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Miranda Lambert Nude

I have not seen "Miranda Lambert nude", or even "Miranda Lambert naked", or for that matter "Miranda Lambert topless".

If I had, I can pretty much guarantee you I wouldn't be sitting here writing this.

Not that I don't want to, of course. I was going through StatCounter to check out where some of my visitors have been coming from, and at the moment I show up between 3rd and 8th or so in the search results for "Miranda Lambert nude". That's not good enough for me, a blog this trashy must be First!

I am feeling lucky, and this has been a shameless ploy for traffic.

I'm a...Jew? Who knew?

My results from the Belief-o-Matic:

1. Orthodox Judaism (100%)
2. Sikhism (100%)
3. Bahá'í Faith (95%)
4. Reform Judaism (89%)

OK, I'd say Purim fits in well with this blog's main theme, although they obviously didn't ask my thoughts on the "Bacon Cheeseburger". But what about Conservative Judaism?

further down the list:

8. Hinduism (80%) [again, didn't ask my thoughts on a huge steak]
10. Neo-Pagan (70%) [there are some interesting people in this crowd, but generally speaking you're talking about the same group that dresses up as Klingons, with women who don't shave their legs, or women that are just in general really, really fat. On the upside, the few cute ones are generally easy, if they don't hate men.]
11. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (67%) [I think Episcopal might be in here, but not sure]
14. New Age (59%) [ Ok, so I don't date Capricorns, does that count?]
16. Roman Catholic (56%) [...finally!]

Since I usually consider myself Episcopal, or "Anglican Catholic", it looks like my present religion is only scoring about a 61% here. FYI, "Anglican Catholic" is the more conservative side of Episcopalianism. Usually the service itself is indistinguishable from a Catholic Mass, although the priests are generally married (to women) and altar boys go unmolested.

At least I'm not with this crew...

19. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (49%) [No thanks, I'll have another beer. Although I did try to read the Book of Mormon, and realized that the South Park depiction is right-on.]
22. Jehovah's Witness (40%)
23. Scientology (33%)

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Post-Holidays Update

Greetings! For those who don't know, I've been in a posting-lull due to both the holidays (with mass amounts of time spent with the immediate family, whom can never know of this blog), and a general job-search due to having less than 4 months of a paycheck left due to me leaving the Navy least in a full-time capacity. I've got several entertaining posts planned, but haven't had much time to actually execute them. For now, I thought I'd fill whoever's in on the latest Social Update:

23 Dec- Kare-Bear gets me tix to see Pat Green live at Billy Bob's Texas in Fort Worth! A sold out show, at that point. This was after my sister showed up 2 hours late to meet me at her restaurant...although she does have a great reason, being that her in laws made her drink a $200 bottle of wine ;)!

Christmas- had all the family traditions going, best present (again) was from sis, who got me an ultra-cool Magritte painting. Question- does this happen to everyone? I've been living in the no-shit Tropics for almost a decade now, and for Christmas I get - winter shit. Clothing rated down to -25 CELSIUS. Sweat suits. Don't these relatives know that I need reminding to actually pack PANTS when I come to visit????

26 Dec-me and Sis ship our parents off to Antarctica. I am *not* fucking kidding. Yes, the South Pole. How many kids dream of doing THAT? And ours even paid for it, and thanked us for taking them to the airport ;)!

Inter-holiday period- decided that going back to Corpus was utterly useless, and hung out at my sis's place using their internet connection to look for jobs, and eating at their 5-star restaurant ;).

New Year's - headed down to Austin! Went to a NYE party at my friend/ex-g/f of 7 year's ago/real estate agent now's place, and hung out with her, her husband, and their friends. It was a good time, and I stayed until just after midnight...had to do the toast, of course, but at that point the only attractive...and for that matter, the only single...girl in the place was a lesbian. Who refused to take me to the lesbian club with her. Naturally, I decided to bolt for downtown, which was much less crowded than I expected. You remember that eHarmony match from a few posts back, that lived in the RV down by the river? Yeah, I hooked up with her that night. Really, really hooked up ;). Gotta get that NYE kiss, ya know? She's cool ;). Headed back to CC on 01 Jan, after I finally got up ;). Called Stella, and she came up from The Valley to hang out with me that night...rather strange, being only a second date in well over a year, but we at least repeated the naked shower scene ;). All in all, great ways to ring in 2005!

At the moment, I'm back in CC. To be honest, after a good 2-3 weeks getting the hell out of here, I have now lost almost all interest in Final Dayz Rules. I'm more in Transition Period here. I'm still half-heartedly pursuing things in Corpus, but mostly out of reflex. And only to the extent that they don't interfere in me getting the hell out of here!

For those who care, an itemized run-down of Possibilities:

Erin: decided to not call her until well after the holidays. Still haven't!

Sarah The Stripper: no luck calling. Suspect she may have gone to Austin. Did some "reconaissance" while up there, found a club she might be at, but haven't been there...yet!

Heather-Nurse-SA- we'll see if a second date ever happens, but she's got potential.

Julie-Ah, this girl almost deserves a blog-post of her real news.

Heather - another blog post, she might end up out here sometime in mid-Jan. We'll see, though.

Cheetah Girls- a few who might enter in to the finale of Final Dayz Rules, but odds on all are "extremely unlikely".

eHarmony- got my 3 new matches for New Year's, along with Kerri, the girl I hooked up with NYE. All the new ones look good ;). Time to complicate my life!!! woo hoo!