Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Rev. Lick Talks Back To Girl's Clueless Personal

The one thing B***** wishes MORE people would notice about her is:

I wish people would notice that I am attractive, I may not be a
supermodel, but that doesn't mean I'm not a great person or attractive.

Honey, here's a news flash...if people generally don't notice that you're attractive, it's because you're not attractive. And we're not talking about you "not being a supermodel", either. That's like saying my yurt "may not be the Empire State Building."

Fortunately, you've at least got boobs and tequila going for you.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Dead Bird Theories

So if you're out of Austin and don't read Drudge, they shut downtown down yesterday morning due to finding dozens of dead birds all over the place.

My theories:

1) They watched Tony Romo lose it for the 'Boys Sat night.
2) They saw Leslie changing his thong in the wee hours of dawn.
3) Caught a whiff of the Maggie Mae's men's room.
4) Went nibbling in a rooftop grow house, got way too high, flew into building windows at high speed.

Seriously, it was probably just someone putting out bird poison...without, you know, actually calling animal control to warn them or anything. Odds are they went downtown Sat night, and got lured into one of the free parking "sucker spaces" on the street.

[Sucker space, n. : You've spent 20 mins driving around looking for a free spot, and in your hurry to get to the bars, you see one and pull in, not realizing that you're parking under a tree. At some point Sunday morning, you come back to get your car, only to find it literally covered in bird feces. As in you need an ice scraper just so you can see out the windshield. ]

Vengeance, aided by a severe hangover, ensues.