Rev. Lick Spurns Whore

So last week I met "Kimberly" at Cheetah's. She seemed rather insistent for a dance, and even asked me out to dinner. She's not all that hot, I only tipped her onstage once, and left after I got a closer look. She's got a good body, nice breasts, but is just very plain. Reminds me of one of Kerry's daughters actually. But hey, Final Dayz Rules.

So talked to her on the phone a couple of times, she lives with her parents. We make "dinner plans" for 7pm. She calls me not long after I talked to her to ask if I get text messages, and tells me to text her. I've been around enough to see this one coming, but took the chance anyway. Notes to my readers: If a stripper gives you her number right away, it's highly likely she's a "private escort." If you call that number and her voice mail answers with her "stage name", it's even worse. If you're Rev. Lick, you ignore the warnings and go for the story anyway.

UPDATE: More info, and to refute certain misgivings below. I no longer have any qualms about being too mean to this girl, on the contrary, I don't think I went far enough! This is a chick who has to do 2-for-1 lap dances at a strip club on a Saturday night, when ALL her customers are drunk, just to make cash. On the night I met her, she came up to me after I tipped her on stage and asked for a lap dance. I said no. She then offered to do the rest of the night for $20. This is like a 3- or 4- for 1. Yeah, I went for it then, why not? But if she can't even get a full priced lap dance, this chick is terminally stupid for thinking ANY man will actually pay to go out with her. She deserves abuse.

EVEN MORE FUNNY: I even told my mom a modified version of this story (ie, we met at a regular dance club), and even she thinks this is funny, and that I should write a book.

OH, ONE MORE THING: A few nights ago, I went into the club, and she was there. As soon as she saw me, she put on her "street" clothes and left ;).

Notes: If I'd gotten the yellow text message immediately, I might not have been as harsh, but didn't find that one until I was transcribing for the blog entry. This girl deserved a pimp-slap for being dim enough not to pick up on the fact that I wasn't that kind of caller.

Whore: [I hope that u can get this. If u do expect something after dinner I do private shows for 25o an hour and a dinner date is the same price so if you still wi] sh to take me to dinner it will be 25o.
Me: What are you talking about? Did you mean $250? [At this point, my suspicions are confirmed, but decide to press ahead for the sheer entertainment value, and because she's annoyed me. If she'd told me what she was right away, then all she would have gotten was a simple "No thanks", and I wouldn't have wasted my time. That, and this girl has no business charging $250 for anything. I may like sluts, but no fucking way I'll pay a whore.]
Whore: Yes. Is that a problem?
Me: What's in it for me?
Whore: We can skip dinner and go to ur room for a private show.
Me: What's different from the club?
Whore: All nude and full contact.
Whore: And if ur nice maybe some fooling around
Me: $250 for a maybe?
Whore: Yes, answer is yes.
Whore: So what do u say?
Me: Sweetie, you're not cute enough for me to spend even $50 on a real date.
Whore: Are u serious!? That's harsh.
Me: Do your parents know you're a whore?
Whore: I'm not a whore I'm a private escort so with that said leave me the fuck alone. Goodnite.

In retrospect, this was probably not a smart thing to do. Good thing I'm not planning to go to her club anytime in the near future! Half-assed attempt at Damage Control:

Me: Good luck with that, but I have no need for an 'escort'.
Whore: Please leave me alone.
Me: Don't worry, I won't, and if I see you in the club I'll be nice.
Whore: Leave me alone.

Also a good thing that she doesn't know where I live.