Invasion of the Drunk Clowns

This was a couple of months ago, not even Halloween. So I was drinking downtown when I ran into a large group of drunk clowns. Really. About 50 people decided it would be great fun to rent a drunk bus, get trashed, and dress up as clowns. So they did.

That's why I love this town!

So When Do I Get My F*cking Holodeck?

In the category of 'Life Imitates Art', we're moving ahead into the 24th century as the USAF has now invented transparent aluminum. Which I think is fucking awesome. I'm enough of a sci-fi geek to get the Star Trek references, but have never been a "Trekkie". (though I happily confess to a Star Wars fixation). Especially since that one time when I was a kid, and we went to a sci-fi con. I saw a "Next Generation" dude in uniform, about 35 yrs old...he was arguing vehemently with a kid who was all of 8 or 9 years, wearing the same uniform, because the kid was wearing 'Captain's insignia', and was 'obviously too young to have that much rank.' OK, old guy, you're living in your mom's basement and wearing your pajamas in public. And now you're arguing with a kid in grade school because he "outranks" you. It's way past time to re-evaluate your situation.

Back to whatever passes for a point around here: while I like watching some Star Trek when there's nothing else on, they're basically communist pussies. Here's my prime example: the holodeck. In the show, this get used for all kind of things like roleplaying mysteries, Klingon whatevers, etc. Get real. Or at least take a gander at "Tripping the Rift." On a real naval vessel, the holodeck would have one real use only: PORN!!! It would be tapped out 24/7 by the entire crew, as a way to have "virtual fun" (and by that I mean all the perverted fantasies you can think of) while on a 5 fucking year mission beyond the bounds of women and booze.

Now get back to work and get me a hyperdrive!!!!

NYC 2005 Trip Recap

I'll save the excruciating daily details that I used in my first-ever post, and just hit the relevant-to-this-blog highlights:

• Somehow on my first real drinking expedition with the boys, Buns' sister was asking me what our perfect date together would be like. I'm pretty sure that would involve something that Buns really, really doesn't want to read here.
  
• At the fancy dinner thing, I somehow managed to get the phone number and email of a nice blonde lady, after only 2 minutes of talking to her, who was there with her fiancee and wearing at least a 3-carat diamond.
  
• In between getting soaked trying to get to Manhattan to do some last-day birthday shopping for my sis, and getting stranded by flooded subway tunnels in the projects in Queens, I managed to meet this gorgeous redhead who was in the process of getting stood up. Turned into a very pleasant evening :).
  
• But nothing beats my first 6 hours in NYC...I've got this old quasi-girlfriend/flame named Heather, who is a serious Class 5 and for some reason, has this thing for me. Unfortunately, not only does she have some luggage, but is the artsy/bohemian wandering-spirit type. Which is fun, but sometimes this leads her to do things like disappear to Mexico for many months, incommunicado. She's really a musician, but dances for the money (you knew that was coming...). So I called my only contact number for her a few days before I left, and didn't hear anything back. I get to NYC, and end up having to get a hotel room for the first night...as I'm taking an inaugural dump, I get a call and Heather's new NYC number. I call her from the toilet, and leave a message. My sis and I then head out on the town, bumming around Times Square looking for cheap show tickets. While I'm eating haggis at St. Andrews pub, Heather calls in. She's got a boyfriend, but is singing a few blocks away that night. So we went to meet her at the jazz club...my sis leaving a few minutes before Heather arrived. This is 10pm. The Bronx Italian Mafia boyfriend is coming to pick her up at 11. Five minutes before, we duck out and take side streets, now drinking and making out in the corner of a Russian Mafia vodka bar. The Bronx Italian Mafia then finally starts calling in. She turns off the cell phone. Yada yada yada, it was worth getting my own room, and we had lunch with my sis the next morning :). Even better...she's supposed to be back down here next weekend!

Epilogue: The Final Dayz Rules Finale

UPDATE: OK, I originally wrote this a few months, ago, but just never got around to posting it...if indeed I do have any reader(s left) out there, who are/were interested, or even remember. Mostly I think I didn't get around to posting it because, after reading it over, the impression I got was "Wow, that's really pathetic." That it may be, but I wrote the damn thing, so here ya go.

I'm finally done with Corpus! The last dental appointment went off well, and didn't even turn into an overnighter. And I made it back to Austin in time for Last Call! I think I've heard the last of all the relevant parties, so here goes the final scorecard:

Ladies of the Evening:
Sarah The Stripper - disappeared around Thanksgiving, may be in Austin. I haven't really had/made the opportunity to check out her new suspected club. Soon, though.
Calli Cheetahgirl - Kept making lunch plans that never happened. Did stop by to see her on the dental trip, however. We'll at least keep in some sort of contact, maybe she'll stop by in Austin. Yeah, it's a longshot, but she's a real Class 5 and cell minutes are free on the weekends.
Xelena de la Palace - Unreturned calls. Strippers are either flakes, or just luring you in for more cash. No biggie.

Previous Dates:
Erin - called her around late Feb to try again at a second date, found out she'd moved to Houston with a new job about a month earlier. So much for that idea ;).
Hazel - Definitely one of the most interesting and craziest women I've ever gone out with a second time. I think I caught her in the midst of a mid-life crisis, but had to ditch her because she was endangering the house as I was trying to get it on the market. Amongst other reasons.
Crystal - Wow, I've got a whole post or three devoted to this one. Stay tuned for more.
Aliza - Old girlfriend that I thought I might be able to convert into a Phase 5 relationship, but she ended up dating some guy pretty seriously.
Cheryl - Oh, the bad luck! I hadn't heard from her in a few months when I ran into her at the Q-Pub. We unofficially 'broke up' shortly after having the 'this is a serious as we're ever going to get' conversation, and coincidentally both began dating other people. We had a few more drinks and ended up back at my place, recapping the last few months. Unfortunately, she'd had an...experience...with the other guy that made her give up casual sex. D'OH!

Longshots:
Nicole the Catfish Girl - Ah, well, I had a nice plate of fish at least. Too much baggage in her life to get coffee or anything. No loss there.
Cynthia the Barmaid - Mmm, that would've been nice, but she's just a bar flirt. Got me some free Shiner's, so I won't complain. Talked about hitting this great restaurant with me, but after a few relaxing evenings there I found out that the sketchy young guy that I thought was just a barback is in fact the guy she's living with. Ewwww!
Tosha - Just talked to her on IM, and she's "preggo". Single mom, 'natch. Another Corpus winner! At least I know it's not mine...
Krystle - Met her at an Election Night party, but due to it running so late, we vacated the hotel party. I was invited back to her place with another cute girl and some College Republican guy that was there also, but instead decided to stop by Cynthia's. Dumbass! She was hot, and apparently, a slut.
Jane- Funny, after I gave her the Heisman when she ran into me out, she never called me back...hmm...
Rossi- Pioneer of the new rating, "Class 5-MILF". She was a serious Class 5, back in the day. Which was significantly longer ago than last week, but not quite multiple decades. Unfortunately, it was too near the end for me to get very far, but was still fun.
Stella-She finally made it back up from the Valley for date #2..or was it 3...not quite as good as the first one, but...wow. Again!